Star Trek: Stargazer
Admiral Lydia Cho
Admiral Lydia Cho has ably served Starfleet for over 25 years. She rose through the ranks quickly, excelling at administration and tactics.
Her political connections are many and distinguished, allowing for her rapid advancement.
Admiral Cho is also noted for having a dark, even cruel sense of humor. She is known for elaborate practical jokes. It’s common knowledge that taking her jokes in stride will often result in rewards for the victim. Fighting her or taking offense will often lead to more and crueler jokes.
An often told tale was of a human Captain, Captain Spitz. Apparently, Captain Spitz had met Admiral Cho at an embassy mixer. He apparently displayed a dislike for Klingons. Captain Spitz was later assigned to a Vulcan ship in an officer trade program, administered by Admiral Cho’s office. While on assignment, the Vulcan science vessel encountered four heavy Klingon cruisers. The shields on the science vessel were disabled and all the Vulcan personnel were transported away – leaving Captain Spitz alone to face the Klingons. Suddenly, large, black metal canisters appeared all over the science vessel.
Security alarms blared and Spitz was in a near panic. He began calling for help on all channels but his comms were blocked. He considered firing on the Klingons, but his limited weapons wouldn’t have even dented the shields on the War Birds surrounding him. Then, the canisters split open – releasing a foam. The foam spread quickly, growing exponentially in seconds. Spitz had gone full bore wacko panic by this point – so all the cameras on board showed the Klingons on their ships – which amused them greatly. The Vulcans watched with some concern for the sanity of Spitz.
The cameras recorded the whole incident. Spitz was seen swimming in the foam, which he commented tasted and smelled like strawberries, from the Tactical to the Comms stations trying to come to any kind of solution that wouldn’t result in him drowning in foam. About ten minutes in, the Klingons couldn’t hold back anymore. They opened comms channels and began laughing at Spitz over them, taunting him. “Don’t drown before the whole ship gets clean!”, “When you’re done, you can clean our shuttles!”, “You missed a spot!”
At about this point, the foam began to dissipate, leaving behind sparkling clean surfaces and a terrific smell. A final shot of Captain Spitz, soaked in cleaner with foam in his hair is still circulated in Klingon circles to this day. The canisters were transported off and the Vulcans were transported back to their now much cleaner vessel. Spitz, disgraced, did not laugh at the joke that had been played on him. In fact, he returned to his cabin and called everyone he knew, complaining he had been damaged in this, this, this joke!
Almost needless to say, Ensign Spitz was reassigned and never heard from again.